New year

This new year was a quiet new year. Just family and some close friends, sitting together, sharing a meal, random conversations.

And in that quiet time, in my head were flashing images from the year 2010. The year that was full of highs and lows, laughter and tears, good times with great friends, some not such good times. A year of learning , of understanding myself better- I think. And there came a sudden realization. I have changed. I have definite yes's and no's. I love my space. I love my independence.  I have realized who are the people that really matter. I know for whom all, to what extent I want to go. After being honest with myself I could see what were the things in my life that need changing. And I  also know  that its okay sometimes to just be.

Most importantly, above all else I know it is my life. It is my choice. And it is has to be me who needs to do something about it. For better or for worse we will see .

Its going to be a good year. I know it . Because I will make it a  happy new year indeed. :)

because

The ultimate reason is because..

lessons learnt

When I was a little girl, I used to be afraid of the dark. Every time the power went off I would search frantically for someone, so that I could be near them as their presence was enough to drive my fear away.

Then one day my mother asked me what is it that you are scared of ?I felt silly. Thought she might laugh at my answer because there was nothing in specific that I was afraid of. I was like I don’t know. I feel like there is something/someone out there and they ll come out in the dark and they mean harm.

She was like, I understand what you are saying. But is this how you want to carry on ? Being afraid ? Or would you rather just face whatever it is and get it done with. ‘Coz my dear trust me its all in your head. Have faith in yourself and be brave. You need to fight the fear. You can’t always be on the lookout for someone else to calm your fears.. Though I wish I could be always there with you to allay all your fears.

And the next time the power went. I stood still.. Yes I looked around like one mad girl, all set to fight with anything.. But nothing happened :) I was fine. The current came back and from that day on I have never been afraid of the dark.

Recently I fell real sick. I was drained out, and what made it harder was that I was facing it alone. Initially started to get disheartened and feel depressed along with being sick. Because it seemed like never ending bout of sickness. But for some reason I was reminded of this long ago fear. And though it might not make any logical sense, it gave me the inner strength to know that I can. All alone, but never lonely I have the strength to fight my battles. The going gets tough every now and again, but I also find it in me to face it, overcome it and move on triumphant.

Here is to small lessons which go a long way.

take a chance . :)

I am happy to realize that simple things bring me a lot of happiness. It is I feel my greatest blessing.

This morning I met up with one of my dearest friends for breakfast. Simple food, lots of talking, from the everyday nothings, heart to heart sharing, to talking shop and the whole time my heart was happy because in everything we could feel each others love.

Jhakku, with whom I had a misunderstanding about something.And both of us kept quiet initially and then thought enough was enough and spoke to each other about the hurt and sorted it out.

:) the beauty of true friendship there are no awkward moments. just moments.
Today we could sit together and look back and laugh together at how foolish we were.

Sometimes all we need to do is take a chance. :) :)

To all my friends. a huge thanku !! :) you guys add colour to my life.

i don know

Well that about sums up what i feel today. " I dont know " state.
I would never have thought that there would come a day when i would feel so.. defeated.. thats it. I can feel it, though like an outsider.

I want to bury somewhere deep. i want to hibernate. And for a change. I dont want to talk ...

Random...

Time goes on. I used to wonder how could I leave it all behind when I keep coming back to it. How do I make a new beginning when I always carry the old memories?

Now I know. When I return, it no longer is the same thing. It has all changed. It is the same and yet it is all different. Or is it me ? Am I just looking at it in a new way ? Don't know.

Wish you many more happy birthdays bhai..

" The pain passes but the beauty remains. " Pierrre- Ausguste Renoir

simple joys

I could not wait for the weekend. Niti was in town. :) And though I had a horrible week at work, and my wisdom tooth was deciding to make an appearance with a lot of pain, swine flu alert was driving me paranoid nothing could dampen the joy of meeting and being with her.

Lovely weekend...the joy of meeting one of my best friends.
The happiness that you are always on the same page no matter where you ve been and where you are... The fact you can be so totally different, and yet so similar.. :)

so many conversations, always interspersed with loads of laughter and giggles...and loads of singing .. and yes mini... the electric guitar is just simply super duper amazing ... !! :) :)

Even though physically i am and was a little unwell, my spirits are soaring :D