Hmmmm

"The greatest tragedy is when man gives up what he wants most for what he wants now!"
If I had to say, where I was today then the quote above seems to be the most apt one. sigh.. yes it does make me feel miserable. I am in a gray mood. I was just thinking how suddenly one small something somewhere can make you realize what you actually are missing.
Today I have absolutely no clue as to where I am heading. Which is not as scary as my next thought, which is I don't really care.
When did I become this cynical ? Since when am I rethinking my ideologies ??
Well my first job is teaching me a lot of things. Wish I could say "good things" . Sigh. its disillusionment time. Its a pandemonium in my head right now. I need some breathing space.

I am surprised by myself. The varied emotions that i can feel.
I have been on a roller coaster of happiness, sadness, fury, indifference , excitement , loneliness , joy , peace , a vague feeling of disquiet. Phew. I wonder how i can feel all these almost at the same time.
Happiness when shared increase multi fold .. sadness . well it likes solitude.. but these past few days i ve been lonely. though i have so many friends. something has been just missing. wish there was something i could pin point and say . yes . this is it. I just Don't feel like making an effort, which is so not "me" .. from a person who believes in making bridges with the people she meets and being one herself. I realize that for the past couple of days I am starting to build walls around myself.

Wonder where I am going. EQ has been really really bizarre for me. Sigh.

The Trip

I am just back from one of the best trips of my life. It was such an unplanned trip but it worked out to be perfect.On friday morning we decide to go on a trip. Five of us, hire an innova, an on saturday morning at 6 ish we are on our way to Gokarna.
The ride to the place was fun. Sandy took the place next to the swami driver. Gopi and me and arjun an joy took turns to sit all over :).
It was a calm sleepy journey to the place. With a few stopovers. Like when we crossed Krishna river. We stopped climbed down to the shore. spent some time there. I like road trips for this. The freedom, to stop where u want to. Some places you just want to get off and just breathe in the view. I know i have a few unforgettable clicks in my heart. :)
We get to gokarna late in the evening and since we dont have any resort bookings... and so we stay in one shadyy place.. I was a little worried. It so looked like the hotel decent from Jab we met .. :) :) but hotel om was alrite.. nothing untoward happened.
Next day morning we checked into a proper hotel Gokarna intl.. Nice rooms.. aahh.. the luxury of a nice bathroom.. I have realized that i am so finicky about the bathrooms more so than the rooms.. :) Had a hearty meal At namaste Cafe.. :) and then the beautiful beach.
Arabian sea is supposed to be a rough sea. But then which sea is not.
I loved it. We were on Om beach the first day. buried gopi in sand .. Did playin in the water and this and that .. had a perfect lazy day @ the beach. Returned and played cards. watched ManU and Chelsea FB macth .. :) and slept. :)
Next day went to the famous temple.. and then went shopping around.. :) thoughfor the first time i ended up buyin nothing.. just didn find anything ...
After all this we all went.. a little rock climbing.. a little trekking.. lotsa food.. :) and then the beach again...this time Kudle beach... :) beauitiful.. not commercialized and fun and peaceful.. and for the boys there were alot of foreigners which kinda made their day :) :)
we took a chothu Boat and travelled on the sea... gopi was so scared as she doesn noe to swim.. but the ride was beautifull.. we explored the gokarna beach , the half moon beach and the paradise small and big beach.. :) the sky was beautiful .. the sunset one of the best i have seen to date.
Then we decided to continue the adventure. :) and decided to spend the nite in shacks/cottages by the beach.. :) we were lying around in the beach till 3 in the morn.. only us..:) i took a walk alone.. I love water.. and the Sea .. always inspires awe in me.. It has always helped me put things in perspective.. realize wat the important things are. It calms me. and inspires me. :) and makes me smile .. and hope. :) the moonlit walk (it was a full moon and apparently the biggest moon for this year) , the wet sand with the waves splashing on my feet... beautiful.. I felt so comfortable with myself.. And for the first time in my life there was this warmth in me.. :) knowing that some day I ll share this journey with a someone. there is the hope of someone :)

and there dawned another early morning for us.. :) did a little trekking and oh la.. we were on our way to dandeli.. :)
the resort Horn BIll .. was beautiful .. situated in between the forests.. :) and the food .. hehehe was out of this world.
I went White water Rafting. 9.5 kms.. It was amazing. :) the instructor told me i Am good at it.. :) which pleased me to no end. :) The water here was so different from that of the sea.. :) clean and sweet. :) i Swamm... the current was amaznig. :) loved it.. we went to this place where there is gushing stream of water.. Natural Jacuzzi.. :) Awesome just doesnt seem an apt enough word to describe the whole thing. :) and ooh yes.. I stayed in the most beautiful tree house ever.. :)
to make end it on a bright note. :) there was a bonfire lit.. :) we had tea and late evening snacks and then all set to hit the road again,... :) Through the western Ghats.. :) :)
back to hyd.. :) ooh wat a trip...
I loved every minute. :)

Christmas season :)

A season of hope, joy and happiness. Somehow its always been my favourite time of the year. I prefer winters over summer any day. And the fact that the Christmas falls during this season is like a cherry on the cake. ..
All my life i have been crazy about Christmas . I wait every year for it. and once the advent season startes my joy is wel.. :) never mind... And every year until this year I have celebrated it with my near and dear ones back home. This was my first Christmas away from home.. And for a lot of reasons I was so not looking forward to it.
And I was feeling horrible because Christmas is after all my bestest friends birthday ..
And then He only made it so special for me this year.. Made me realize all over again.. that its the love that counts .. Place and people may change. But the love that you give and you get keeps you going :)
Once again I realized how very blessed I am .
My friends here played secret angel, to make it special and exciting for me. Josephaa who was my secret santa gave me wacky and funny gifts which make me smile :) anytime..
My secret child was Khan ...buying him his gifts and seeing his happiness has been a revelation for me. I never realized that I could be so thoroughly truly happy seeing someone else's happiness.
My roomie gopi and reddy teddy did up a Christmas tree at home to surprise me ..
My 2 lovely angels Sejal and Sheetal became my Secret Santas in office to suprise me.. :) and gave me such thoughtful notes and touching gifts which made my week. I also almost died guessing who it was that was leaving me PRESENTS :)
Then i was off to Bangalore. Parents decided to come there just for christmas eve.Christmas day was good .. Avery quiet family affair. Only my parents and my brother.
And I oved the midnight visit to Infant Jesus church . The quiet and serene atmosphere of the church. And the Christmas Mass... My soul was still and it was beautiful.
Then went to another good friends house for a nite.. Niru baby .. You are a package of happiness.. :) and nuts and muffin. Sniff.. I ve also fallen in love with them, on first sight.
To finish of a good time met with my best friends from college and had a lovely time with them. and la whoosh back to Hyd.
I have loved every moment of this season. And realized that so many people, have been the key in this happiness. :) i thank God for all of them in my life. :) And want to say .. I love them all.. Life has been made so much more beautiful and lovely and meaningful thanks to all of them.

Cross Roads

Its simply amazing, how every now and then in life I reach crossroads. Crossroads. Again here comes another one. I know what I want to do in future. I am like so sure. And it is not what I am doing now. Yet the choice so simple is so difficult to make. I am doing something which I am good at but not what my heart wants . And I have to be daft because though I know what I want I am just still continuing where I am .. Oh My Goood.. what is wrong with me.. Sigh.

GOD

Since my childhood I have been one whose life has been centered around God and his ways. But it was only in my late teens that I had a lasting experience of Him. One that made me more spiritual from being just religious. I have loved having Him in my life. I can now see how beautifully he has worked on me throughout. Though I must admit not all the things have been to my liking, but the knowledge of knowing that it will work out has been quite soothing.
I want to have a lasting experience of God. Sometimes I understand Him, but then I lose it. Because I get distracted, by my dreams, my fears, my doubts. I guess I want to learn how to be part of this world yet be with Him. When will I get there, is something that makes me smile and frown and wonder and wish . And pray.

:) fresh beginnings ??

After so many days of constant consideration.. here i go again.. blogging !! :P sighh... fresh beginnings.. i have always loved the beginning...