Just Do it :)

I love to travel.  I love all that the word entails - taking off somewhere new, meeting new  people, recognizing fellow tourists in a foreign world, being lost, finding bits of yourself. The list is endless. And  I also believe that no trip is complete without feeling slightly scared ;)

Recently I traveled to Pattaya. And  in this trip, I did something which made my heart skip a beat (oh all right a few!!). I went for a sea walk.

To give you guys some context, I am called a water baby. I love water. I feel a longing to be near water bodies. They are magentic and I  absolutely adore swimming. But here on this island in Pattaya when I am listening with half an ear to the instructions the coach is giving to the group, he says something that gets my full attention. He says " It doesnt matter if you know swimming or not. The head gear is so heavy that you won't be able to come up swimming. So please don't try to swim". There. I was done for. Heart beating. What if the equipment fails ? What if the head gear sinks me ? 20ft under. Shivers.Gulps. Maybe this was a bad idea. NOT!

I did it. Needless to say loved every minute of the half  hour. And also felt  very accomplished.  I did something that scared me for a few minutes, made my heart skip a few beats and that my friends to me is always one of the best parts of traveling. Doing something that scares you a little. The joy that you did it and well yes of course, also that you are alive to talk about it ;)

New year

This new year was a quiet new year. Just family and some close friends, sitting together, sharing a meal, random conversations.

And in that quiet time, in my head were flashing images from the year 2010. The year that was full of highs and lows, laughter and tears, good times with great friends, some not such good times. A year of learning , of understanding myself better- I think. And there came a sudden realization. I have changed. I have definite yes's and no's. I love my space. I love my independence.  I have realized who are the people that really matter. I know for whom all, to what extent I want to go. After being honest with myself I could see what were the things in my life that need changing. And I  also know  that its okay sometimes to just be.

Most importantly, above all else I know it is my life. It is my choice. And it is has to be me who needs to do something about it. For better or for worse we will see .

Its going to be a good year. I know it . Because I will make it a  happy new year indeed. :)

because

The ultimate reason is because..

lessons learnt

When I was a little girl, I used to be afraid of the dark. Every time the power went off I would search frantically for someone, so that I could be near them as their presence was enough to drive my fear away.

Then one day my mother asked me what is it that you are scared of ?I felt silly. Thought she might laugh at my answer because there was nothing in specific that I was afraid of. I was like I don’t know. I feel like there is something/someone out there and they ll come out in the dark and they mean harm.

She was like, I understand what you are saying. But is this how you want to carry on ? Being afraid ? Or would you rather just face whatever it is and get it done with. ‘Coz my dear trust me its all in your head. Have faith in yourself and be brave. You need to fight the fear. You can’t always be on the lookout for someone else to calm your fears.. Though I wish I could be always there with you to allay all your fears.

And the next time the power went. I stood still.. Yes I looked around like one mad girl, all set to fight with anything.. But nothing happened :) I was fine. The current came back and from that day on I have never been afraid of the dark.

Recently I fell real sick. I was drained out, and what made it harder was that I was facing it alone. Initially started to get disheartened and feel depressed along with being sick. Because it seemed like never ending bout of sickness. But for some reason I was reminded of this long ago fear. And though it might not make any logical sense, it gave me the inner strength to know that I can. All alone, but never lonely I have the strength to fight my battles. The going gets tough every now and again, but I also find it in me to face it, overcome it and move on triumphant.

Here is to small lessons which go a long way.

take a chance . :)

I am happy to realize that simple things bring me a lot of happiness. It is I feel my greatest blessing.

This morning I met up with one of my dearest friends for breakfast. Simple food, lots of talking, from the everyday nothings, heart to heart sharing, to talking shop and the whole time my heart was happy because in everything we could feel each others love.

Jhakku, with whom I had a misunderstanding about something.And both of us kept quiet initially and then thought enough was enough and spoke to each other about the hurt and sorted it out.

:) the beauty of true friendship there are no awkward moments. just moments.
Today we could sit together and look back and laugh together at how foolish we were.

Sometimes all we need to do is take a chance. :) :)

To all my friends. a huge thanku !! :) you guys add colour to my life.

i don know

Well that about sums up what i feel today. " I dont know " state.
I would never have thought that there would come a day when i would feel so.. defeated.. thats it. I can feel it, though like an outsider.

I want to bury somewhere deep. i want to hibernate. And for a change. I dont want to talk ...

Random...

Time goes on. I used to wonder how could I leave it all behind when I keep coming back to it. How do I make a new beginning when I always carry the old memories?

Now I know. When I return, it no longer is the same thing. It has all changed. It is the same and yet it is all different. Or is it me ? Am I just looking at it in a new way ? Don't know.

Wish you many more happy birthdays bhai..

" The pain passes but the beauty remains. " Pierrre- Ausguste Renoir

simple joys

I could not wait for the weekend. Niti was in town. :) And though I had a horrible week at work, and my wisdom tooth was deciding to make an appearance with a lot of pain, swine flu alert was driving me paranoid nothing could dampen the joy of meeting and being with her.

Lovely weekend...the joy of meeting one of my best friends.
The happiness that you are always on the same page no matter where you ve been and where you are... The fact you can be so totally different, and yet so similar.. :)

so many conversations, always interspersed with loads of laughter and giggles...and loads of singing .. and yes mini... the electric guitar is just simply super duper amazing ... !! :) :)

Even though physically i am and was a little unwell, my spirits are soaring :D

one step up

" So Sheryl.... You got promoted Congratulations. You deserve it " that is how my manager tells me.
My first promotion, in my first job.
The tension the had been happening in office had been so tangible. The way the markets are, the scenes in our office. So much disappointment, but it all worked out just fine.
From Associate ( Junior Member Technical) to Analyst (Member Technical).

One step up the corporate ladder.

Sigh

For the past few days I have been on a low, for various reasons which I don’t want to pen down here. And since yesterday I have not been feeling too well either. And more than any other time I miss my mother the most in these times.
My Mum. Never gives up, never takes no for an answer, my biggest supporter, my biggest critic. I realized that as you grow up, you take their constant love, questions, nagging and well just about everything for granted. But know they make your world not just a better place, but the place to be in. They too know that being away from them; you’re going to miss everything about them.

Mummy always says: 'You’ll realize your mother's value when she's not around.’

Well, you know what I don't like to admit but actually love most about Mums, especially mine is that they're always right!!!!

I am missing my mother. Big time..

S cube :)

:) :) The S cube.. well.. madness , happiness, laughter, tears, conversations, randomness, and some more laughter and some more talk..  We can cry over things as silly as losing some certificates and mehendi on the hand not being nice.. and laugh about the same in the next breath.We can laugh and laugh and then laugh some more.. :)  

We can spend hours and hours together and feel like they were but a few minutes and all the moments spent together are .. well for the lack of any other word.. and to aptly describe it .. its Magical.. :D These guys are now one of the main reasons of my coming with a smile on my face to office..I absolutely cherish our breaks.. :) be it early morning catching up.. or the water breaks.. :) the chai/coffee/tang/gang/... or evening gap shap.. to our very legally organized "tecchiee gtalk group" chat talks.. :)   

Its amazing how God sends us angels everywhere, to make us realize that happiness is not just within reach, it is right here. Every day I thank Him for my lovely angels.. :) I love u gals.. I love the fact that we are so different in so many ways and yet so same in so many other ways.. I love Scube .. For what we are together.. :) :)

Cheers to us !!

moments

Sometimes. There is this fraction of a second, when you don't desire anything, you don't think about anything, you don't wish for something, you just be. I call it my perfect moments. Being content with me.
I have these quite often when I am at the beach. Be it even a dirty one, like that of juhu.
Something about the sea inspires me. I am filled with an awe which is laced with excitement.

My recent trip to mumbai, 4 days, was a whole new class of holiday. Only gopi and me. stayed at her uncles place.
The city ... i felt so comfortable there.
The local trains, the best buses, the black and yellow taxis.. Colaba, bandra, juhu, andheri, gateway of india, chowpatti, santa cruz, ghat koppar...the shopping. the eating at leopold, mondegar, theobroma, not just jazz by the bay..the walk down marine drive.. the walk on juhu beach...

Patience levels have reduced i noticed... wonder if thats because I am getting older and tolerance levels are decreasing. Sigh.

I think I am good to say bye bye to hyderabad. Wonder when that day will come though.

For today I am going to cherish the memory of my perfect moment that I had yesterday at juhu beach . Standing there with the waves at my feet, sun and sea facing me, the sky above me. And the smile on my face.

Shoot me !

And today my brother flew in from Delhi to surprise me. And when he calls me from the airport, what's my first reaction; I yell at him. Saying " Could you not plan it with me, I have work and blah blah". When, whennnnn did I become like this ?
He surprised me and  what a warm welcome I gave him :(

Later I did take a couple of hours off . I love him and I always enjoy our time together but today even that was tainted.

I feel miserable.

:(

"being scared is a good thing. it means you have something to lose."

yes, i am afraid.
aren't you?'

But what if you start worrying about all the wrong reasons and wrong things...

Today one of my real good friends was asked to leave.. no not recession.. Just plain nonsense.. just because he had an opinion and did not lick his managers arse.

I feel so .. i dont know. Devoid ......

Friend ... Friends.. Friend..

You win some friends and lose some friends and along the path you find yourself. My almost 2 years in Hyderabad have had such a strong impact on me. I never realized when I became so cynical and started trying to second guess peoples intentions and motives.

Sigh. But in some ways I have also realized that no matter how much my mind has changed (I will not get into , whether its changed for better or for worse), my heart is still the same. I still believe that people are good. Yes all of them. Some of them do things which may not be right, can be hurtful/painful which tarnishes your view about them. I still care very deeply about the people I think are my dear and close friends. Even if I do get disillusioned on the way, about what they are, what they believe, how they live etc etc.

Am I missing something? Because I don't befriend people for what they are. I love them for who they are.. All differences , similarities, everything and anything which makes them what they are.. Sometimes they take me for a fool, because though I get hurt I don’t necessarily show my pain. I still forgive. I move on.

My capacity to let go and let some things “just be “scares me.

I dreamt a Dream

I am not a person who has a lot of dreams.. or at least I dont remember most of them.Sometimes, I wake up knowing I had a dream about something not so pleasant.. which made me restless. And on other days, happy thoughts happy emotions happen..
But strange isn it .. quite often, i wake up just when I am going to dream the dream that I want the most.

All over again..

For someone who is quite adept at not talking about the past, and shrugging at whatever happened in the past thinking what has happened, has happened. I have been taking a walk back down that memory lane quite a few times, over the past couple of weeks. It leaves me with a feeling of disquiet, which I am quite averse of . I am going over it and all around it, all over again. Mulling over the different things, trying to figure out why what who. And still come to no definite this is this and that was that answer. It’s a vicious circle. I know. I guess I just want to break free of ….. I wish I knew what….

Weekend Notes

After what seems like forever I got a weekend which I absolutely loved. It was near perfect .
Friday - I did a little bit of reading,  cooked some paneer bhurji and jeera rice.  Had some friends over for lunch, chats over food, about nothing :) In the evening went out for a bit of window shopping and came back home, read some more and went to bed early.
Saturday -  had some work to get done so got up early and then finished and was back by 9 a.m. Made breakfast, and then met Niti for lunch. Conversations over Chinese food, is  the best combo :P And then we walked from lumbini mall to nagarjun circle and obviously had to stop at coffee day.
And then it was time for my first ever Pottery Class !! :) I absolutely, totally loved it .. :) :)
To think I thought it would be soo easy. My teachers name is JaiPrakash. After a lot of  clay, over my hands, jeans, kurta and me and a silly grin on my face  after 2 and a half hours, I  had 2 vases , 1 penstand , and a couple of diyas.. :) 

The remaining part of the day I went and saw 2 plays, by the Dramanon group. Sunday was church and lazy day !! Watched some of my favorite bollywood movies, yet again -  Om shanti Om .. jaane tu ya jaane naa, jab we met , Juno

I want more days to be weekend days !!!

Mummy

Sometimes all you need to do is nothing and everything falls into place. My time at home this time made me realize that no matter how much I fight with and complain about her, my mother is the best thing that’s happened to me . And surprisingly I hardly fought with her the past 8 days I was with her. A friend says.. I am growing up. Maybe I am. I like it .

On the Playlist Today

I absolutely love this song .. :) its been on my playlist ..constantly ..

"The journey home
Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train
The journey home
Is never too long
Some yesterdays always remain
I'm going back to where my heart was light
When my pillow was a ship I sailed through the night

The journey home
Is never too long
When open arms are waiting there
The journey home
Is never too long
There's room to love and room to spare
I want to feel the way that I did then
I'll think my wishes through before I wish again

Not every road you come across
Is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be
The best move you ever make

The journey home
Is never too long
One helps to heal the deepest pain
The journey home
Is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train "

Cant wait to get home.. :)